Here she goes again...

Yep. It's a body image post.

I'm post-first-fight-happy right now, so don't for a second think I'm sat here in floods of tears stuffing my face with cake. I'm not. But I've just seen the photos my Mum took and I'm so angry that my first thought was "God I need to lose weight" and not "I'm so proud of myself" or "I look really focused and my guard is tight there" or anything else positive or even relevant.

"God I need to lose weight" 

It just sums me up, I have the worst relationship with my body and it just isn't changing. I've written very openly about my self esteem issues and my disgusting yo-yo dieting and fitness fads. It's never been for attention, I'm not fishing for compliments here, I'm just talking very honestly about something that I think a lot of people can relate to hoping it might help someone. And I'll admit that plastering this all over the internet helps me too! I wrote a similar post a while back on my old blog here.

I'm just a little pissed off with myself for letting my weight be the first thought in my head. I've worked really hard for this fight, I get to looks at myself in action and all I can do is think about how fat my arms look. It's so sad. Especially because last night, I started to think about it in a different way. Before you can fight, you have to take a medical,  blood pressure etc and you must weigh in. I soon realised that these fighting guys throw about their numbers and just don't have any emotion attached to them whatsoever - it's just part of the sport, part of the training process not necessarily anything to do with you as a person.  In February when I'll be boxing again, I'd like to fight at 80kg and that's just going to be part of the deal. Boom. It has to be about becoming a better fighter and not about fitting into that dress, or making boys like me. Because Gina, that's the most pathetic thing you've ever publicly written down.

I've just looked through the photos again and I'm trying hard to see the good bits. So I urge you to do the same if you struggle with what you see in the mirror. And yes, feel very free to praise your image, but also say awesome things about yourself that are nothing to do with how you look. I felt low so I put the new Screaming Maldini track on repeat because dammit I sound GOOD. It's basic self love stuff int it? I say basic, it's the least basic task out there. Kendrick Lamar seems to have got it nailed though. Good for you mate.