I Don't Want Children

Society expects that one of the main transitions and roles that we should aspire to are to be mothers. The bottom line is, it is a choice and for women, we don’t have to feel like motherhood is a rite of passage that we necessarily have to have.
                                                                           Janet Taylor

This is a subject that has come up in conversation a handful of times recently and frankly, I'm getting frustrated with how people speak to me when they learn that I don't want to be a Mother. I've never felt broody. Often people will say "Aw just look at how cute that little baby is!" and look at me expectantly, waiting for me to coo and agree enthusiastically. Babies are boring, ugly, gross and annoying. There, I said it. 

"Oh you'll change your mind when you're older." 

Ugh! Stop it! Stop telling me what to feel! Stop assuming I'm a baby bomb waiting to go off! Just because I have a functioning set of ovaries does not mean I have to use them and that is my choice. I mentioned this to someone else recently and his retort was "So you're going to be a crazy cat lady instead!" Fuming doesn't cover it. So I won't be well traveled? Or successful in my chosen career? Or have a wonderful wide social circle? (Now, of course, I am sure you can be parents and have all those things too, but I hope my point comes across). I am no less of a woman for not pursuing Motherhood than those who decide to start a family.

(titter)

Family doesn't mean a huge amount to me - wait before you kick off- I absolutely adore my Mum and she has been the most wonderfully supportive figure in my life. However, I don't believe having a family is important and you don't have to love or like them. My Dad didn't want me as far as I can see, and he hasn't bothered to invest in me as a person even to this day.  Essentially, what I'm saying is that I would hate to do that to my own child, I'd hate to be a disappointment. 

There's every chance that the above reflects on my selfish nature and I can't ever see myself being in a position where it will change. Children demand an overwhelming amount of your attention, patience, time, energy and money and I just don't want to part with any of those things if I'm honest. It's funny, just then, I was about to apologise for that statement, but why should I? 

I just don't think I'd be any good at it anyway. I'm disgustingly disorganised, a little lazy and favour my own company. Not a great combination of personality traits for parenthood! I'm very confident in my decision to remain child-less  but I suppose the only fear I have is that I have fucked up my chances of finding a lovely man to build a relationship with. I don't want to have kids but I also don't want to be single for the rest of my life! Finding a guy who also doesn't want children appears to be rather tricky, though I'd happily date a guy who already has a family (sup single Dads) as I imagine there isn't quite the same level of commitment involved. And I wouldn't have to push a human out of my vagina. Ugh. 

So this brings me to another point. It has always bothered me that I have this hospitable uterus and it's likely that it will never be used. So this year I have been doing my research into egg donation and when I have the time to do so, I would very much like to help another family who are unable to have children. It's a very intense process, involving up to 10-12 clinic visits, so the time isn't quite right for me just yet. And yes, I'm aware that some kid could come and find me in 18 years, but hey, I'll handle that when the time comes. 

Hey, maybe I will change my mind one day. Perhaps I'll fall in love and want to give that man a child. I cannot say I will never have kids, but please do not tell me I will "change my mind", or when I say I don't like children don't tell me "it's different when you have your own." Just accept that I don't fit the social norm, respect my decision and move on.